Sadness since 2010

I need to to get these things out of my head I am in the healing years of my life and it goes all the way back to 1986 but I want to start with 2010 first of all I struggle and have struggled with depression, bipolar,and ptsd inherited and brought about from childhood abuse so in 2010 I lost my grandmother she meant alot to me she was always there for our family growing up she was so classy and ladylike she was a strong woman who raised 8 sons on her own so she was tough she was everything I wanted and hoped to be like instead of my own mom I got to see my granny about 4 mos before she passed I was caught up in my own issues I didn’t get to say bye I went to her funeral I had a new baby boy noah I put his pacifier in her casket I also had a new husband as messed up as I was I had no reason to be married to him but I wanted to be right in gods eyes so as we come upon jan 2012 our marriage finally blew up I had chose someone who had severe sexual issues I mean I seen alot of it before then, so he went to prison over sexual assault with a prostitute on top of what I had already been through in my life I was shattered and here come my addictions to alcohol.pills.i had a nervous breakdown I tried to commit suicide I was full of anger and rage I went to bars to find women to fight I went to jail for 5 months and now its Feb 2013 I was so lonely I met a guy I kinda new from along time ago jumped into a relationship and he just got out of jail and had to go to rehab in better days I would not of chose someone like that I abused him and he abused me and oh yeah I was 5 mos pregnant when we met so I found out I was having a girl and after all the abuse and pain I lived through from the hands of my so called father I could not allow myself to raise that litte girl so I gave her up for adoption another loss I had to deal with

Published by April🌞Starr

Honest, good-hearted, love to write big personality

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