More of my losses

So after my loss of a beautiful babygirl with the adoption adds more pain I didn’t work through so maybe a year or so later and I’m trying to be as accurate as I can with these things but memory does get affected the more we go through in life ya know, anyway my uncle jackie passes away but he was a different loss for me my pain from him was from the sex abuse when I was a child but was hoping when I was healed enough I could tell him how I felt about what he done to me I was so scared as a kid cause he said he would kill my dad his own brother so he went to his grave without being told how wrong he was but it was just another thing I had to deal with .I want to make sure you all know I have never grieved or dealt with any of these losses ,what I did do was drink ,and drink alot, and fighting with people I was so angry so I pushed myself away from my family and didn’t care what drama or pain I brought anybody as long as they could feel just a little of my pain. Now we come to my dad whom I was led to believe was my uncle until I was 13 that was because his brother was married to my mom so the man I grew up with was really my uncle and stepdad but whatever on that for now my real dad and I loved each other but he was an alcoholic and had emphysema so our relationship wasn’t as close as it should have been and now that leads me to the night he passed I kissed him and let him go even though I wanted him to stay ,well my normal reaction was cry for 24 hrs and then pretend it didn’t exist but this time I was alcohol free for him and me so I cried a lot more than 24 hrs this time I havent had a drink in 6 yrs but I was suffering from what could have and, what should have been said just another piece of my painful puzzle and I know you understand just how hard this is to get all out so it may take a few more posts before I’m done with my losses from 2010……to be cont..

Published by April🌞Starr

Honest, good-hearted, love to write big personality

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