Biggest loss of all

You know even though I dont know whether you or anyone else will read this or not but it has felt so very healing to put all these things in words but as I mentioned this is just from 2010 to 2017 my other trauma started in 1986 I just really felt I needed to deal with this part at the moment. My sweet sister Margie has told me several times to write a book on my life that’s truly my goal some day , I guess it’s time to get to the loss that was truly the greatest and the hardest thing I haven’t been able to deal with in my whole life on Nov 20 2017 my moma had a massive heart attack but she hung on for 3 days so her 5 kids could tell her bye that’s what I think so my sister called me at work and said moma passed out so I left work, I got to the hospital and she was in a coma the dr was honest and said she had 100% blockages and she was in bad shape ,it felt like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest I couldn’t hardly breathe 💔 I couldn’t stop crying as the days came she never woke up, so it was Thanksgiving the 23rd which also was my son’s bday I asked my mom and the lord for her not to pass on his bday so after 12am I I told my mom she could go I will be ok it’s time for you to rest now and I love you she passed about 6am Nov.24 , I was like in a nightmare I loved her so much but I didn’t know just how much til she was gone I look in the mirror I look just like her I have needed my moma so bad in the last 3 yrs and I am so stuck I don’t know how to grieve for her I don’t know how to be ok without her I am so lost I feel there was so much time wasted and words not said that haunts me to this day and I also walked away from my family in 2013 to be with someone who wanted to abuse me but that’s for another time my point to this is we can be mentally ill we could have made alot of wrong choices and we may have suffered oh my we suffered we truly can get better and still have hopes and dreams and get the help we need, we can make it if we just start healing and facing these things which keep us depressed and broken grief sucks but go through it healing is waiting

Published by April🌞Starr

Honest, good-hearted, love to write big personality

One thought on “Biggest loss of all

  1. Im so proud of U write and tell it, its ur Life!! Dont no how much one little soul could take. But you have been through so much but you made it , boy font god have a special place for you. Love ❤️ ur sis margie

    Like

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